Fear, Pain, and the Choice to Grow: Overcoming Fear to Live Fully

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." — 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Have you ever felt stuck because of fear? Have you avoided opportunities because of the 'what ifs' running through your mind? What if, instead of running from fear, we faced it with faith?

What if fear was an opportunity to grow?

Embracing Fear as a Path to Growth

Let’s talk about fear—how it sneaks into our lives, how we let it control us, and how we can turn it into something that helps us grow.

Fear is normal, but staying stuck in fear is a choice.

The way we respond to fear can shape our lives. If we believe fear controls us, we remain trapped. But when we recognize that fear is just a feeling, we can choose to push forward.

Imagine a time when you felt afraid—maybe speaking in front of a crowd or trying something new. If you faced that fear, you likely found it wasn't as overwhelming as it seemed. That's the power of choosing to move beyond fear.

What if, instead of running from fear, we faced it with faith? What if fear was an opportunity to grow?

In a recent Beyond Your Default podcast, I said, “Many times, pain equals the most growth in our life.” Think about that.

The times you've grown the most probably weren't when life was easy but when things were tough. Fear and pain can either hold us back or push us forward. It's up to us. Think about a time when you were scared but kept going—wasn't that when you became stronger?

Fear Can Teach You, Not Just Scare You

Fear is something we learn. Sometimes, it's real, and sometimes, it's just in our heads. Liz Moorehead and I discussed how fear can trap us and make us miss out on great things.

But why does fear control us so much? Why do we let it decide what we do?

Our brains are designed to protect us, but that doesn't always mean they help us grow. Fear stops us from stepping outside our comfort zone. But here's the truth: “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.”

Think about how often you were afraid of something that never happened. Maybe you were terrified of failing a test, only to pass easily. Or perhaps you dreaded a tough conversation, but it was productive.

Fear often exaggerates problems that never come to pass. Fear feeds on “what ifs” instead of real threats.

The Bible repeatedly tells us, "Do not be afraid." Why? God has already given us what we need to overcome fear—power, love, and a sound mind.

If we believe that, how much more confident would we be?

How much more joy could we feel?

Breaking Family Patterns: Facing Your Fears

One of my hardest lessons is that fear can run in families. If fear, trauma, or bad habits are present in your family, they can be passed down—unless you decide to break the cycle. The problem is that we often think more about what we don't want than what we want.

I said this on the podcast, and I'll say it again: “If you focus on ‘I'm never gonna be that,’ you're probably gonna be that.” Instead of trying not to be something, focus on what you want to become.

Proverbs 15:33 says, “The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom.”

This means not all fear is bad. Some fear, like respect and awareness, helps us grow. But unhealthy fear keeps us stuck. What if you could stop living in the past and build a better future? One way to do this is by identifying one small step you can take today toward a positive change—forgiving someone, setting a new goal, or simply shifting your mindset toward growth.

Good Fear vs. Bad Fear

Not all fear is bad. Some fear is necessary—it helps keep us safe. But we need to know the difference between fear that pushes us forward and fear that holds us back.

Bad fear stops us from chasing our dreams, tells us we aren't good enough and keeps us stuck in the same place. But here's the truth: most fear is just false evidence appearing real (F.E.A.R.).

It's an illusion trying to keep us from living boldly.

Good fear, on the other hand, challenges us. It stretches us and helps us grow. It makes us say, “This is scary, but it will strengthen me.”

Think about this: the most successful people take risks.

Take Elon Musk, for example—he risked everything to build Tesla and SpaceX, despite constant doubt from others. Oprah Winfrey overcame fear and adversity to build an empire in media. They didn't let fear stop them, and neither should you. They do things that scare them.

What if you lived that way? What would change in your life?

How to Conquer Fear and Step Into Courage

If you're tired of letting fear control your life, here's what to do:

• Ask Why. Why am I afraid? Is this fear real or just in my head? Most of the time, fear is just a thought, not reality.

• Think It Through. Does this fear protect me, or does it stop me from growing? Some fears keep you safe, but others hold you back.

• Decide Where It Goes. Should this fear push me forward or stop me from something dangerous?

• Pray and Trust God. Philippians 4:6-7 reminds us to bring our fears to God, and He will give us peace.

• Take Action. Fear disappears when we step forward. Trust that God has given you what you need.

• Remember Your Wins. Think of a time when you faced fear and won. Use that as proof that you can do hard things.

Fear Doesn't Have to Win

Fear will always try to take up space in your mind, but you don't have to let it control you. You get to decide whether fear stops you or pushes you forward.

At the end of the podcast, I asked, "How often have your worst fears come true?" the answer was seldom.

Fear is usually a liar.

So why let fear dictate your choices? Choose faith, growth, and stepping out of fear into the life God made for you. You have the power to choose courage today.

• What will you choose today?
• Will you step into courage or let fear hold you back?

You make the choice. Do you want to dive deeper into your spiritual journey? Try The Kingdom Coach for free today.